Welcome to the sharing of a plethora of love letters we found this past holiday season. They’re real, they’re raw, they’re emotional. Enjoy.
Dear Ugly Sweater,
I miss you so much. It’s been over a month since our last days together. Remember the night we spent by the fire?
You kept me warm and safe amongst the burning trash and boisterous drunkards. Instead of shanking us, they laughed at your zany holiday graphic, their yellow teeth gleaming in the night.
I could really be myself around you, Ugly sweater, which is more than i can say about Giant Teddy Bear or Box of Chocolates. Is this one filled with toothpaste? Yuck!
Let me rub my face against your acrylic lining! Let me turn you inside out! Oh, Ugly Sweater, I can’t wait any longer! I know, I know…it’s no longer the holiday season. The cheer has drained from my face, for I am now pale and yearning for joy.
Oh, look at me going on and on. How are you? How is the North Pole? Tell the big man I ‘m fine and that I got his card.
P.S. Send nudes
The romance continues! More love letters coming soon! For now check out what Santa’s up to when he’s not on the clock.
Stand-up comedians have always said what others are afraid to. These seven holiday stand-up routines are artfully done, showing the everyday person why what they are doing every year during the holidays can be bat-sh** crazy. Why is Jesus’ birthday the most materialistic day of the year? Why do we continue to talk about the same stuff every year with our family members? And why is it that Santa Claus won’t bring Sarah Silverman any presents? Comedians help us reflect on what we really want out of the holiday season and all the absurd moments that go along with it. Enjoy!
Jim Gaffigan’s Holiday Traditions
In this segment from his 2005 special, Beyond The Pale, comedy extraordinaire, Jim Gaffigan, walks us through absurd human behavior around the holidays. From hanging socks over the fireplace during Christmas to hiding eggs around the yard on Easter Sunday (does it all revolve around Jesus…?) Gaffigan’s holiday stand-up routine makes everything we do seem strange.
Sarah Silverman Takes On Mr. Claus
“What Would Jesus Do?” asks Silverman in her original song, “Give the Jew Girl Toys.” Feeling neglected because of her religion, Silverman is just looking for some love from the big bearded man we’ve come to know as Santa Claus (is that German?), who she even offers to date. If you ask me, it depends on the present.
David Sedaris’ Santaland Diaries
“I’m a 33 year old man applying for a job as an elf.”
It’s 1992 in New York City and hilarious essayist, David Sedaris, is an elf at Macy’s’ Santaland. He failed his drug test, but still landed the gig due to his height. His elf name is Crumpet. Reading directly from his diary during this time, Sedaris invites us to laugh at his misfortunes whether it’s being forced to sing “Jingle Bells” to a screaming child, or when he was led on by an elf named Snowball.
Chris Rock On Christmas Commercialized
Amongst other things, Chris Rock leans into Christmas (5:05), exposing the ways in which our society has commercialized Jesus, the least materialistic guy’s, birthday. “No bling on Jesus!”
Literally Santa Claus
“You guys know that I’m just your parents right?” Watch angsty leftist Santa drop a little knowledge on ignorant capitalist America. “Truth” is what he’s spewin’ and no plastic wrapping is gonna stop him.
Steve Martin’s Christmas Classic
Steve Martin has more than one wish. Enough said.
Jerry Seinfeld Is Over the Holidays
Jerry Seinfeld reminds us that the most monotonous and awkward family moments tend to take place in the living room. When do you use the living room? Holidays. Think back to the post-meal conversations, the small talk, the small stream of drool dribbling from the corner of your great aunt’s mouth. At the end of the day it all ends with the same question: “Well, what are ya gonna do?”
We know you like to laugh as much as we do. Don’t miss out on these awesome SNL Christmas skits for some more giggles.
From Kanye to Hilary Rodham Clinton, everyone’s rocking an ugly sweater this holiday season. We love that celebrities wear Christmas sweaters just like us! Prominent figures of the screen and stage are personalizing their look with gauche styles of the 80s and 90s. Unacceptably accepted, the ugly sweater is back in action and (un)cooler than ever. Take a look at these super famous sweater-wearing stars!
Your Sweater is a Wonderland
Image courtesy of www.youtube.com
Back in ’09 John Mayer embraced a classic-sweater look on Ellen. Since then, the sweaters have only gotten crazier.
Folks at Home, Don’t Try and Pull This Off
Image courtesy ofwww.popsugar.com
Beyonce Knowles’ take on a “holiday look.” Over the top? Absolutely. But making a statement is the name of the game.
A Very (Ugly) Murray Christmas
Image courtesy of www.people.com
Two stars in one! Sofia Coppola has worked with Billy Murray on several projects including a must watch Xmas special. This sweater exudes excellence.
These Sweaters are Stone-Cold
Image courtesy of www.instyle.com
What a pose! Even though the people are fake, the sweaters (and corgis) are real. And good enough for royalty. Madame Tussaud has doctored up The Queen and her heirs for a special kind of Christmas celebration.
Have a Merry Yeezus!
Image courtesy of www.glamour.com
While clearly on a mission, Kanye and his little snowman friend look possessed by holiday cheer.
A Clinton Christmas
Image courtesy of www.glamour.com
Hillary Clinton contemplates her new look as she ditches the pantsuit for a Christmas cardigan.
A Classy Christmas
Image courtesy of www.usatoday.com
It’s sometimes difficult to be classy in your everyday ugly sweater. TJ Miller doesn’t have that problem. His sweater-blazer hybrid has the power to melt icicles, stoke fires, and roast chestnuts this winter season.
The Mini-Me Sweater
Image courtesy of www.eonline.com
Kevin Hart will have no trouble fitting down a chimney this Christmas Eve as he becomes even smaller as cartoon Santa.
Looking your best has never been this ugly! Get Ugly Sweaters is new on the scene and is already making a statement. We are proud to have just launched our first collection of holiday sweaters, a mixture of designs that you won’t see anywhere else. This represents an authenticity that lives inside us all. #GetUgly inspires people to celebrate their sense of humor and creativity. Our sweaters will allow you to harness these gifts and display your unique disposition.
Each of our sweaters has a distinct personality: Rudolph rages across the North Pole playing sold-out gigs with Santa; Jesus, Frosty, and St. Nick relive their college days on a worldwide bar crawl and The Christmas Story’s infamous leg lamp invokes a fragile holiday desire in us all. There are many more designs to choose from, all equipped with equally captivating character traits (and flaws).
Drop societal expectations this year and go with your gut! Would you rather walk into your office party, holiday party, or family gathering worrying about your outfit or would you rather throw on an extremely comfortable sweater that provides something to talk about? Awkwardness is real and especially apparent during the holidays. Cramming into rooms full of folks you may have little in common with, often more than once, can be straining. No one enjoys discussing the rainy month we’ve had or Auntie’s failing kidney. Our ugly sweaters will certainly limit the small talk, or at least redirect it. Instead of Carol’s disastrous dating life, you can chat about Santa’s DUI. Instead of deflecting questions about your willingness to produce grandchildren, simply ask, “Where My Ho’s At?”
Yes, looking ridiculous is fun and brings people together. But now it also helps people in need. When you buy one of our sweaters you will be feeding fourteen people a hot nutritious meal across the state of Massachusetts. Get Ugly Sweaters has paired with Project Bread, an organization that strengthens local communities by promoting sustainable and reliable access to healthy food for all. So don’t be a Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins again this year, #GetUgly with us.